Passamaquoddy

If you’ve been around long enough, you are probably familiar with “STAN BACK 100 FEET”.  Stan Back is a unique attraction in Passamaquoddy as he is only a dumpster.  But Stan is no ordinary dumpster as it magically rolls around downtown making witty conversation with unsuspecting passersby.

You never know what will come out of this rolling contraption.  Recently I heard this exchange:

STAN: Dude!  One of us smells really bad.
Passerby:  It’s not me.  I am podcasting.
STAN: I’ve heard your show. So I know smelly.
Passerby: That is not very nice.
STAN: Try to be nice after someone throws 43 Salmon carcasses from September into your hatch!

What a hoot!  Watch for Stan Back next time you are downtown.

UPDATE:  A keen eyed Passamaquoddian provided us to a link of a similar walk around character down in Walt Disney World…  Check out the video below.

After a long gestation period, Minnow Mania has just opened in downtown Passamaquoddy. The town is ecstatic. The BassPass line is selling out by 10:30 in the morning and the standby line wraps all the way passed SandDollar Ella’s Castle. As one of the earliest riders I gotta tell you its all worth the wait. While I know its important to avoid spoiling the attraction for anyone, I have no moral compass so I’m ready, willing and able to spill all the beans.

When you first arrive at the Buoy Store, the first thing you notice is the whole thing has been redone… They painted the parking stones and hung fishing lures on the Lions Club sign by the entrance to the town. As you can tell, the theming is first rate.

As you enter the attraction queue, you realize that you are no longer in the real world… You have been shrunk down to the size of a small hermit crab. The queue winds in and out of an old tackle box. You walk around - and children play on - a giant bobber, giant rubber worms, and most enjoyable, rusty old fishing hooks, large enough to catch your clothing as you walk by. Several people have already been hospitalized! Very exciting.

But the highlight of teh queue has to be when you reach Grumpy “Old Man Tater”. Tater sits on a stool several feet before the attraction load-in and yells at everyone who is ‘misbehaving’. For anyone who knows Tater, he always thinks everyone is misbehaving. He shouts out things like “Whadya Doing! Get off Dat Ting!” “Kid in the blue hat, that chain ain’t a seat. You see a cushion?” He’s even gone so far as to remove his glass eye to frighten some people in line!

Finally, when you get to the ride vehicles, you sit in a long bench that holds four. They hand you an empty bucket and the ride rolls forward into the dark. In the first room you have too scoop your bucket in the water, and catch a load of minnows… You only have 30 seconds before they send you on to the first challenge!

There you’ll find yourself emerged into the world of the game.. This time, you stop in front of a frat house and several soberly challenged students charge at you and you must throw your freshly caight minnows into their open mouths!

May 31st is finally within reach! The new attraction that has been slated for downtown Passamaquoddy is getting ready to open. BASSPASS machines are installed and loaded. And extra PERCH POP-UPS and HERRING WHIPS have been ordered for vendors.

The ride through attraction is sponsored by Passamaquoddy’s own Buoy Store where they specialize in anything that floats and bobs.

In the picture above, QUODDESIGNER Davey Jonah helps put the final touches on the underwater attraction.

Of course, we will give a full review of the attraction after it has opened, but until then, here is a look at some of the early advertising.

If you hadn’t heard, there was a bit of a ruckus downtown.  Well, I guess it is my fault.  Maybe it’s the weather. Maybe the influx of tourists visiting during “Castaway Month”.

I had stopped into the Ellenshaw museum to duck from the crowds.  I was back by the television exhibit. After viewing the Davy Crockett material, I ran into Fred Appleton taking in the Zorro offerings.  Fred is still pretty new to town and we started to chat.  We were discussing the many tellings of Zorro.  It got a bit heated as we didn’t agree but then I accidentally hit him on the side of his head with a lobster claw I happened to be carrying.  Appleton turned and hit me in the eye with a corn cobb on purpose.  Who carries a corn cobb?  So we got into a bit of a skirmish.  So, we were both thrown out of the museum.  I decided I needed a drink. The crowds had thinned, so I headed over to the Swiss Family Robinson Brewhouse.  Long story short, when I entered, Appleton was in there as well.. We had a good discussion.  In fact, Appleton said he may talk to us about the Zorro exhibit in the Ellenshaw.  (He often writes under the pseudonym Jeff W)

Anyway, while we were in there I asked the bartender Fritz if he could confirm the rumor that the Robinson Brewhouse was up for sale.  He said “Absolutely not.”  And then he said “your jacket is sitting in fondue.”  So, it is confirmed that the Swiss Family Robinson Brewhouse is here to stay in the foreseeable future.

New to town, Appleton never knew the story behind the Brewhouse.  That one evening during an exciting oyster shuck several folks had a bit too much to drink and threw the Brewhouse up into a tree.  Also that the Robinson’s had a Brewhouse over on the other coast, but it was taken over by someone named Greystoke.  Here’s a picture of the California Brewhouse today.

This photograph was taken this afternoon on the shores of Passamaquoddy as powerful storms head inland. What is most strange about this storm is that we’ve had no hint of any system for the past three days. That aside, please keep indoors for the next day or so until we get more information. We’re going over to local meteoroligist, Mel Strumm to see what is up.

UPDATE: After an hour of knocking we found out why we hadn’t heard about this storm. There were several Fed-Ex delivery notes on the door so we knew we were not the first to travel this way. When Mel Strumm came to the door he yelled “How Dare you Come Here” and then commanded that we “Disappear! Disappear!” At first we agreed and backed out of his driveway. Then we returned.

As we got back to the door Mel finally opened up. He apologized for acting like a troll, but he’s had lots of invaders of late. When I asked about the storm he showed me that he had been busy since last week when he purchased a game called ROCKBAND. He knew nothing about the storm but he could get all the way through “Suffragette City” by David Bowie without a mistake.

So, until he finishes, stay vigilant.. and stay dry.

Recently, the town council of Passamaquoddy received this complaint letter. I thought it was worth a gander. (For our youngster readers, a “gander” is a school of geese.) (For our more idiotic readers, a “school” of geese is a grouping of sorts and doesn’t always involve spelling class, recess and pudding cups.) (Speaking of school, the letter was received with bad grammar and spelling problems.)

Attention to the Passmakwoddy town council of Passmakwoddy (sic),

Our town is gone into bad ways if’n it stays going like it is. I gots two big complainings to do. First, I hate the amount of fish guts lining the street over by “O’ Cannedtuna!” It gets on my shoes and stanks up my foyer throw rug. Second complaining is all about change and theming in our little town of Passmakwoddy (sic). Over the passed couple decades we’ve seen some changes that don’t make no sense. In an area that is all about nautical stuff, we’ve seen “Fishing on Mars” which was replaced by “Whaling Encounter”. Both of those attractions fit in well with the environments of a fishing village. But then they close down the “Whaling Encounter” and open up that horrible teen hormonal stimulator. I call for an immediate closure and restoration to what used to have been!

Concerned citizen

Of course, what “Concerned citizen” is talking about is the new attraction in the spot where the “ExtraGASTROnomical Whaling Encounter” to sit. (And the” Fishing on Mars” attraction before that).

Fitch’s Great Escape has been highly controversial from the get go, so much so that Abercrombie backed out of the deal during initial talks. And whether or not the attraction has its place in our little hamlet is a matter for debate. Some say it doesn’t belong, others insist they are taking their own idealism as too valuable and serious.

Indeed, the town is considering the request to shut down the attraction. All they need is a quorum to get the paperwork through. The problem there is that there are eleven women and nine men on the committee and the women have been on a research trip to the attraction since it opened, continuously missing on the meetings.

We’ll keep you informed of any updates.

This news was recently broken. The town of Passamaquoddy has temporarily closed its “Turtle Talk with Cujo” attraction as all the turtles seem to have disappeared.

Turtle Talk takes place in a room overlooking a large aquarium tank. Audience members are given the rare opportunity of talking with a turtle, using special underwater microphones. About 6 months ago, someone suggested bringing in a canine to help mediate between the humans and turtles. When they heard of a dog that had motion picture experience, they knew Cujo was perfect for the role.

A spokesman for the attraction who goes only by the moniker “Fishy Rocket Boy” said that since the opening of the attraction, many of the turtles had suffered some unexplained damage or just flat out disappeared. One morning, one turtle appeared flat as a flounder. We quickly changed his name to Crush.”

Nobody at the attraction has any idea where the turtles have gone off to. If that isn’t enough of a mystery, they also can’t explain the sudden, massive weight gain on Cujo, nor can they explain the hollow, clanking noise in his stomach whenever he walks. One final question unanswered: What is a fishy rocket boy?

Fishy Boy continued: “We have tried a couple runs with just Cujo, but it seems without the turtles to bother, the big dog instead took a snap at a kid in a yellow and blue striped shell. Totally.”

We’ll keep an eye on the attraction and let you know if there are any breakthroughs.