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Jul 1, 2009
Doc Terminus

Broken News: Hoagy Cagg Still Dead

The world is still shaken by the loss of Passamaquoddy’s own Hoagy Cagg.  Many mourn… Some angry… Some in denial.  In fact, there have been several calling the death a hoax – one person in Nevada even insists a sighting of Hoag while Elvis trained him to work the convenience store register.

There are still plenty of questions and very few answers but here is what we know so far:

According to the initial coroner’s report Hoagy is indeed dead. Additionally, in a medical first, she insists that Hoagy actually smells better in death.  He still smells awful but somehow a bit more tolerable.

Fans continue to snatch up Hoagy merchandise.  A “Hoagy Cagg fanny pack” with dead fish head zipper sold on eBay for $78 to someone with the moniker “We Wants the Fish Heads”.

By formal request and to protect his anonymity, there will be no open viewing of Hoagy Cagg.  But if you happen to be anywhere near the harbor, there is an open smelling down there.

4 Responses

  • I was unable to post anything yesterday, due to overwhelming grief.

    I just want to everyone to remember the good times we all had with Hoagy.

    I did hear some bright news, that the Passamaquoddy Broadcast company plans to re-run the “Jon and Noreen plus Fourteen” Episode with Hoagy in it…
    The one where he locked the twins in the lobster trap and taught the dodecalets how to chum for tautog…

  • That was a classic. I had it on Beta once but lost it during the great seepage of 1987. I’ll be sure to set my PVR for the rerun. Do you suppose Hoagy’s estate will find profitability in his death?

  • The particulars in reference to the status of said estate of the late “Hoagy Cagg” (a.k.a. Hoagibedia Shmedley Caggamundus) are not at present open to public screwtiny!!
    There are some loose ends, quid pro quos, and miscellanious what-nots to be explored.
    Once we have a better handle on said affairs, perchance, they will disclosed at the Horseshoe Crab Consortium’s 6th Annual Low-tide Hootenanny.
    But please stay tuned for any breaking news…

  • Stayed tuned for any breaking what?

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