Thiss knews iz braking write now. I wunted 2 gett it two u ameaty itlee. Its impordant sew I eeven past over my edator. (I’m shore u cant tel.) Any ways, 2 uv the missing peeples has Ben fowwnd.! They were on un uncharted aisle, roming. Wheel let u no moor wenn wee gets it.!

EDITORS NOTE: Sorry about the previous entry, These idiots don’t appreciate a good edit over a flash in the pan report.

UPDATE: Sorry again, Our previous report was erroneous and inaccurate. Two people were definitely found on a strange island by Captain Ahmal Smitty. But as they were not from our town of Passamaquoddy, they were left behind, no matter how hard they pleaded and screamed. (We think their desperation was an act. Who could get so worked up about being left behind on a beautiful island?)

So, unfortunately, the search goes on for our friends and pals and pinup models.

Please keep your thoughts on our lost.

Missing are:

Captain: Jonas “Scopa” Grumby
First Mate: Willie “Steamboat” Mongello
Mayor: Jim Backus and his wife Natalie
Entertainer: Ginger Spice
Talk Show Chef: Rachel Ray
Professor: Doc Terminus

Stay tuned to KWDY details as they develop.

Here is a photo of Cap’n Smitty with the two strangers.