Uncategorized
Jan 14, 2008
Doc Terminus
3 Comments

Broken News: Monorail rolls into town

After years of arguing amongst the city council of Passamaquoddy, we finally have a fully operational monorail for transport around town.

You probably remember the argument over pursuing the “Monorail”, or the more commonly considered “Octorail”. While the monorail supporters pushed for one track to support the train, the octorail supporters felt eight tracks per train would be more efficient, using an eight legged rock crab to prove their point. Of course, we all remember the octorail winning out but proved useless after installation as the crablike octorail could only travel sideways.

The 8 tracks traversed the town for awhile, but were mostly an eyesore. It was never really used. “They went the way of the rocket rods!” visitor Paul Barrie observed. None of us have any idea what he is talking about, but he had a cool hat on so we’re gonna quote him.

Now, the monorail has arrived and helps Passamaquoddy head into the future.

Of course, the new mode of transport hasn’t been so easily adopted. During soft openings, many of the train cars were filled with anchors and oars from “Byron’s Phat Boatworks”. Riders were having issues, not just getting on the train, but navigating to their seats.

Now, in time for its opening, this problem has been resolved… Each train now has a pen designed for holding the equipment. These pens can be latched closed which keeps the walking area clean. As an extensive safety precaution, they have even recorded a bilingual safety spiel that is heard upon entering the train car:

“Please stand clear of the oars,
por favor manténganse alejado de los remos”

This report contains work and photographs provided by Fred Appleton. Fred is a reporter, recently arrived in Passamaquoddy from the showy tundra of Iowa where he worked with the “All About the Corn” agricultural podcast. You can visit the corn by clicking here.

3 Responses

  • biblioadonis aka George January 14, 2008 4:54 pm

    This should make traveling from the Light House to Albert & Vickies much easier. But needing to switch monorails at the Clam and Transportation Center (or whatever it is called) to get from Sand Dollar Ellas to the Itchy Bed and Breakfast is a pain!

    But I do have a complaint! People really have to walk along way to get from the monorail to the Tome and Comb.

    Harumpf!

  • Jeff W. January 15, 2008 2:53 am

    Doc,

    I just received word from Fred. It seems he managed to secure a bunk over at the Itchy Bed.
    He also mentioned something about Sundays and having too sing for his supper last night.
    He tells me a review is coming, and asks what other stops you would recommend he make while in town.

  • Andy January 15, 2008 11:58 pm

    I rode the monorail for the first time today and was disappointed that there was no place to lie down. I had been drinking corn mash at Sand Dollar Ella’s and was mighty tore up. I tried to lie down and ended up getting trampeled on by some kids who had special tickets to the Passamaquoddy Town Fair. They called ‘em Bass Passes, and they were using them to cut in line on the good town folk.

    It’s OK because I showed them youngins. I unate on their shoes.