Thursday, August 20, 2009

Movie Night: A Fishmas Tale

December 25th is right around the corner. And we all know what December 25th means. Garbage pickup switches from Tuesday to Wednesday until February. It also happens to be Christmas time (Coincidence? I don’t think so…). So the guy from the Passamaquoddy Cinema that sells the tickets and makes the popcorn shrimp, (not the guy with that peg-leg) told me about this event coming this season.
A Fishmas Tale Tour

“Kipzar Films” announces a coastline promotional tour in support of holiday release.

From Kipzar Film’s the studio that brought you such classic hits as Buoy Story , The Incrustaceans, Crabatouille, and Wall-Eyed, comes a much anticipated remake of Charles Dickens “A Christmas Carol”

In keeping with true Kipzar tradition, this classic tale will get the expected nautical twist. Casting for “A Fishmas Tale” has proven an interesting choice with the role of Ebenezer portrayed by the vocal talents of Shakespearean actor Sir Patrick Steward. Playing opposite Mr. Steward is Bobcat Goldwaith as Bob Catfish. The pairing of these two talents goes to prove that Kipzar may indeed have another hit on its way.

A free promotional bus tour was launched in Jacksonville Florida earlier this summer. The tour will travel along the eastern coast of the United States making numerous stops along the way. The bus is expected to arrive in Passamaquoddy by Thanksgiving weekend where “A Fishmas Tale” will premier at the Passamaquoddy Cinema.

On board the bus guests can listen to a cassette tape of the films soundtrack and view storyboards. The tour concludes with a viewing of a Nautica Ski Boat trailer located at the back of the bus. Free Fish Sticks and Herring Whips will also be provided.

fismas21

Posted by Doc Terminus at 12:28:35 | Permalink | Comments (1) »

Wednesday, August 12, 2009

Broken News: Passamaquoddy Bank Robbery

robbery

It has been a bad month here in Passamaquoddy.  And things just keep getting worse.  This past weekend, the “Passamaquoddy Bank and Reel Repair” was robbed.  The gentleman approached the teller window carrying a large duffel.  He demanded the teller “donate” $10,000 to his duffel.  When interviewed, the teller commented “the robber was a nice guy and had me laughing, but the Hoagy Cagg resemblance was striking and creepy.  He even smelled a bit.”

Sick how the world, just a few weeks after his passing, still takes advantage of a mans good smell.

The tellers security cam captured this look at the Hoagy Look-Alike who kept shouting “Fred will be so pleased!”  He even asked the teller if he would become a fan of this robbery on Facebook.

This isn’t the first time that this particular bank was robbed.

As you can see from these archived security camera shots, this bank was once robbed by “Men at Work” front man Colin Hay and on a different occasion by the late Hervé Villechaize.

robbery34

On an unrelated note, congratulations go out to Lou Mongello and the Dream Team project who amassed around $27,000 at their charity auction.  Its  a great cause and the team works year round to make it happen.  Pretty incredible.

Posted by Doc Terminus at 12:46:59 | Permalink | Comments (3)

Tuesday, July 7, 2009

Now Open: Crustaceans in Flight


Come on down… or up…
Posted by Doc Terminus at 11:59:10 | Permalink | Comments (1) »

Monday, July 6, 2009

Cagg Watch: Let us give stanks.

With the untimely passing of Hoagy Cagg, both the mourners and the capitalizers are clogging the internet.  There are those that are buying up memorabilia at a quick pace and those who are selling it at a profit.  Here are just a few things that were purchased on eBay for quite a margin over OSRP.


Fred Appleton found these plates for $6.99.. That is ten times original price.

One of the stranger product offerings. This hit the shelves briefly in
1989 when someone claimed to have bottled the odor of Hoagy.
OSRP $1.05 / eBay Price: $1.10!
Posted by Doc Terminus at 12:32:48 | Permalink | Comments (2)

Saturday, July 4, 2009

Broken News: Are we so funny?

We in Passamaquoddy have once again found ourselves in the view of the country as a radio celebrity/podcaster had hours of awkward fun eating Salmon.  Whats next… Making fun of lobster?  We in Passamaquoddy are as open to fun as anyone.  At least we aren’t afraid of kitty cats outside our window…

Passamaquoddians unite…

Posted by Doc Terminus at 03:29:31 | Permalink | Comments (1) »

Wednesday, July 1, 2009

Broken News: Hoagy Cagg Still Dead

The world is still shaken by the loss of Passamaquoddy’s own Hoagy Cagg.  Many mourn… Some angry… Some in denial.  In fact, there have been several calling the death a hoax - one person in Nevada even insists a sighting of Hoag while Elvis trained him to work the convenience store register.

There are still plenty of questions and very few answers but here is what we know so far:

According to the initial coroner’s report Hoagy is indeed dead. Additionally, in a medical first, she insists that Hoagy actually smells better in death.  He still smells awful but somehow a bit more tolerable.

Fans continue to snatch up Hoagy merchandise.  A “Hoagy Cagg fanny pack” with dead fish head zipper sold on eBay for $78 to someone with the moniker “We Wants the Fish Heads”.

By formal request and to protect his anonymity, there will be no open viewing of Hoagy Cagg.  But if you happen to be anywhere near the harbor, there is an open smelling down there.

Posted by Doc Terminus at 12:06:27 | Permalink | Comments (4)

Tuesday, June 30, 2009

Broken News: Hoagy Cagg Dead

News travelled quickly last night as the ambulance pulled away from the dumpster behind “The Crab Nook”.  Passamaquoddy’s own  potent aroma denizen has passed.  An official autopsy will be performed that may explain it all.  But for now, we can just make up stories.

For us in Passamaquoddy, we will always remember our faded starfish long before his stint on SURVIVOR: PASSAMAQUODDY.  We’ll remember him from his feature film…


Hoagy Cagg in Captain B.O.
Posted by Doc Terminus at 12:29:05 | Permalink | Comments (6)

Saturday, June 27, 2009

Now Open: The Pretty Good Movie Ride!

What seemed like years of wasted dreams becamse a reality last night as the “Pretty Good Movie Ride” opened in our little town of Passamaquoddy.  Forty-two people showed up for the premiere which caused quite a stir as the “Teig Von Hoffman” dock collapsed under the weight.  Fortunately, because of the amount of rain we’ve been seeing, most of us where in our formal wear rain slickers so all is okay.

But the attraction is open.  The “Pretty Good Movie Ride” is here and people have lined outside the door, many upset that the Limited Edition “Pretty Good Movie Ride Bobber Sets” are all gone. We’d love to hear anyone’s feedback on the attraction if they’ve been fortunate enough to get in.

Posted by Doc Terminus at 15:10:19 | Permalink | Comments (2)

Wednesday, June 24, 2009

Boy, that was confusing…

I recently received a letter from someone asking why there hasn’t been any news out of Passamaquoddy.  I quickly explained that they were obviously out of their minds and quickly sold them some miracle elixir.  I explained that things had gotten so exciting that with Survivor: Passamaquoddy in full force, it was important for us to triple our bandwidth to allow for the extra 3 viewers.  So I personally took it upon myself to keep Quodamapassy.com completely up to date.

We covered a lot during that time period.  Some of the highlights include: 

Starfish Weekends
The opening of yet another PVC resort, MaMahiMahi Village
The election of Hoagie as most eligible bachelor.
The exciting conclusion of Survivor: Passamaquoddy
The denouncing and removal of Hoagie from most eligible bachelor.
Mitch opened his dance show on the new stage in Tilapialand
Days later, Mitch closed his dance show on the broken stage in Tilapialand.
Hoagie was exiled from town.

But, as we prepare for the opening of our town’s newest attraction. the Pretty Good Movie Ride, it became apparent that all of those updates were being done to Quodamapassy’s website, not Passamaquoddy.  It seemed that all the super intelligent readers figured it out and turned out in droves.  Others weren’t so lucky.

With the error taken care of, we will be posting again and as soon as the Pretty Good Movie Ride is open, I believe you’ll forgive the lack of updates.  So watch this space really soon.

Doc Terminus
Posted by Doc Terminus at 02:37:12 | Permalink | Comments (4)

Friday, April 3, 2009

A Word on Hoagie…

First of all, we must apologize for the April 1st post.  It appears that the people whose website we had hijacked figured out a workaround and were able to once again post their own materials.  While their wicks and wax has some nice offerings, we distracted them with some Passamaquoddy Girl Scout Cookies and again regained control of their server.  We should have no problems for at least a year as the supply of “Thin Mussels” that we sent can be put in the freezer for easy access.

There has been some question as to the identity of the false Doc Terminus that had driven Survivor Passamaquoddy into the ground at a slow pace. (The real Doc Terminus was driving it into the ground at a much faster speed).

We around town are very familiar with Hoagie Cagg.  Although he is a kumquat farmer, Hoagie is primarily known for providing that dead fish carcus odor down at the processing plant at the wharf. “The fish don’t smell as bad as they used to” said one-time Mayor Bachus… “we needed that odor returned so we encouraged Hoagie to hangout by the wharf!”  You may remember back in 2002, Hoagie was featured in this ad campaign floating around town?

That may also be the only photograph of Hoagie when he wasn’t in some sort of costume. (When he ‘visited’ town as Ethel Merman back in 1975, it was only the odor that gave him away…)

“Hoagie provides such a valuable horrible odor to our little town that we are hesitant to punish him too extremely. ” the newly, somewhat vindicated Doc Terminus offered up.

Incidentally, Hoagie had set himself up for discovery when he was the only person in Passamaquoddy who sided with the evildoings of Terminus.  Here is the material as it was received on cardboard, found outsie Terminus’ holding cell.

Here is a transcript…

******************

This is an Open Letter to the Good People of Passamaquoddy…especially the rather perturbed members of both the Razor Clammers Guild and the Horsecrab Breeders Consortium!
 
I beseech you all to try and talk some reason to the perpitrators of this  vicious and unprovoked attack on our dear Doc Terminus!
 
While I will admit that a scant few of his “healthcare” products have been suspect and their users prone to adverse effects…rarely has it been anything that couldn’t be cured with a good shot of ipicac and perhaps a decent chowder… (might I suggest sitting in a warm oatmeal bath for the “Apology Cream” sufferers).
 
I know that the good Doc had the best interests of all Passamaquoddians at heart when he moved the show to EPCOT…this attack is merely retribution on the behalf of that silly, silly boy who fell from the Tower while playing Guitar Hero on his PS2.
 
Now that the photos of Doc and his captors has come to light, I think that these two tarts are the ones we should be waving the stinky finger at…
 
One has been accused of agrivated bedazzlement in the 4th degree and the other sold me a box of Thin Mints which gave me helacious gas!!!
 
ALSO…one of them isn’t even a real redhead..I have the used box of Mz. Clamrol which I found while rumaging through their trash (for totally unrelated reasons)…I will not say whom of the two it is, for fear of further retribution (hint: she is the one that the gulls are always following!)
 
Not to mention…it wasn’t until they showed up in town that the fishing went sour…there is simply not enough room in our town for these two hooligans!!!
 
For the sake of all involved…let the dear Doc Terminus go free!!!!
 
And to make matters worse,with all of this bufoonery afoot, I saw a surveyor scouting locations for a new WAL-EYE MART….where will all be then??
 
Subsqishiously yours….
Hoagie

**************

You be the judge…

Posted by Doc Terminus at 10:22:59 | Permalink | Comments (2)